Id (cowboybbp1) wrote,
Id
cowboybbp1

Yes, I'm back.

I don't know why I am posting this, I just kind of felt like I had to. I received an e-mail the other day saying that someone had posted a comment on one of my postings. Truthfully, I had forgotten this even existed. I just spent tonight reading everything I have ever posted here, and it is like reading a strangers journal. My friend James lives with me now, and he was reading this with me, everything I ever wrote about him. I told him that I remembered a lot of these moments, but the person writing about them seems like a different person than I am now (and he had HORRIBLE spelling). I don't know when exactly I became who I am today, but I am filled with a sense of envy for this kid's view of the world. Everything was so much more significant, and little things were so much more important. This was the last medium I used to record my thoughts. I have a facebook account (that I have never used), and I made a MySpace page, that I used maybe 10 times. I have actively tried to avoid indulging in those social distractions, mainly because I have lost interest in what strangers have to say, and I assumed no one would care what I had to say. Even if this is never read by another person, the fact that this record of my life during my High School years still exists, is proof that who I was... was at all I guess. And, despite the fact that I have had moments of self actualization in the past, this one seems to be one of the most significant. I was brought face to face with how much I have changed (some for the better, some for the worse), and how seemlessly that change occured. I can't say whether I will continue to write in this thing again, I have actually been writing for years now privately (that is to say, not on any public forum). But in the past few months, even that has declined. I am reminded of a saying,"Look at every action of your life with the question,'Do you desire this once more, or inumerable times more?' in mind." And, I can honestly say, that up until I stopped writing in this journal, I did. As I said, the world was more significant then. But I can honestly say that nothing has happened within this 6 year hiatus that I would want to go through again. And I have been able to live day to day, without this thought on my mind for the longest of times, until I received that e-mail that called me back here. It doesn't seem like that much time has passed, but I guess that's the point. Good night.
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